Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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