I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
