it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
