U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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