Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
