Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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