just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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