So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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