You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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