Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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