I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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