Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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