Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
