hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize