i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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