I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
