i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
