I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
