Got a toothbrush?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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