talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize