Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
