the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
