I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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