I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
