i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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