seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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