bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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