who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is wine microwaveable?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize