my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
