I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
