fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
