i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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