I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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