I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
two words...techno handjob
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
