Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Found the puke drawer
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Couch. On fire.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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