I just threw up on my dentist
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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