it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
