she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
