Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
40s are totally the cure
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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