porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
