Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
