I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
