I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
