I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
