girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
