how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
