3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
