I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
