Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
