I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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