the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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