i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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