I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
