Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
