I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
