Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize