"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
