I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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