can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
