i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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