where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
