Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
