This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
