My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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