i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
