i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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