I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
