so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
