Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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